FAQs
How long does this take?
1
For I Tried, please allow up to 5 business days from the time I receive your completed questionnaire and draft.
For I Got Nothing, please allow up to 7 business days from the time I receive your completed questionnaire and any voice notes or other materials you’d like me to use.
Need it sooner? Rush service may be available depending on my schedule and will require an additional fee.
Your wedding being Saturday when you contact me Thursday is not technically an emergency. It is, however, extremely on brand.
How does this work?
2
First, choose the service that best describes your situation: I Tried or I Got Nothing.
You’ll complete a questionnaire designed to get the useful stuff out of you: how you know the groom, the stories worth telling, what makes the couple work, your sense of humor, and what absolutely cannot be mentioned in front of Grandma.
If writing out your answers sounds terrible, you can also send voice notes. For I Tried, you’ll send your existing draft as well.
Once I have your payment and everything I need, I’ll get to work. You’ll receive a polished, ready-to-deliver toast plus one round of revisions.
Everything happens asynchronously. No phone calls. No Zoom. No forced eye contact while discussing your feelings.
When do I pay?
3
Payment is due in full before work begins. Your turnaround time begins once payment and all required materials have been received.
Do you offer refunds?
4
Because every Brother Toast is custom-written for one person and one occasion, all sales are final once work has begun.
If I’m unable to complete your project for any reason, you’ll receive a refund.
Can I have AI write my draft and send it to you for editing?
5
You can. But it won’t qualify for I Tried.
That service is for something you actually wrote: your stories, your words, your questionable first attempt.
If your draft was substantially generated by AI, your project will be treated as I Got Nothing ($500) because I still need to uncover your actual voice, experiences, and relationship with the groom and build the toast from there.
You already have the feelings. Let a human help you find the words.
How long will my toast be?
6
Most Brother Toasts land around 3–5 minutes.
That’s long enough to tell a good story and say something meaningful, but short enough that nobody starts wondering when dinner is coming.
If you have fifteen years of stories together, congratulations. We are not using all of them.
How many revisions do I get?
7
Will it actually sound like me?
8
Your service includes one round of revisions.
When you receive your toast, read it out loud. Seriously. Something can look perfectly natural on a page and feel completely wrong coming out of your mouth.
Tell me anything that doesn’t sound like you or any factual detail that needs correcting, and I’ll make one round of adjustments.
Additional revisions may be available for an additional fee.
That’s the whole point.
I’m not here to make you sound like a professional speechwriter. I’m here to make you sound like yourself on a really good day.
Your questionnaire, stories, existing writing, and optional voice notes give me what I need to understand your natural vocabulary, humor, and level of sentimentality.
If you would never say “cherished memories,” neither will your toast.
Tell me.
If there’s unresolved romantic history, serious conflict, a secret you’re planning to reveal, or something you’ve been waiting until the wedding to finally say, I need to know before I write your toast.
A wedding speech is not couples therapy, a confession booth, or your final opportunity to set the record straight.
Sometimes the best editorial advice I can give you is:
Don’t say that into a microphone.